Thumb Thumbnail

Posted on March 2, 2005 by Tito

Thumbnail_1Thumb Thumbnail
March 1st 2005

This is the first in a series of monthly thumbnails of My Body, because My Body has a draconian registration policy for internet access. For those who are not members, this will give you a chance to review the merits (or lack thereof) of My Body.

Todays featured body part: the thumb

STATS

  • Count: 2 (left thumb shown in photograph). The right thumb is basically the same as the left, with only minor differences that appear to be thrown in as an afterthought. I suspect the Creator was lazy this time around  and threw in the second one as filler.
  • Hangnails: 0
  • Cuticles: 0*
  • Poetry: None

WHAT WE LIKED

  • Being contrarians, we liked the opposability of both thumbs.
  • Initially good for twiddling, but not so much recently  since the onset of carpal tunnel.
  • The symmetry of the two thumbs is striking, with clean lines and a consistent design. Detractors may argue that this is repetitive, but we at BMK feel that there is something sublime in this harmonious existence of two opposing thumbs, possibly serving as an ideal we can all strive for in these devisive politcal times.

WHAT WE DIDN’T

  • Lack of thumbnails make it difficult to open CD cases sometimes.
  • Perhaps Lee Press Ons would pretty things up? (Though we do commend the thumbnail for being happy with its admittedly utilitarian design and appearance)
  • Being double jointed could have been a tremendous asset in the thumb’s favor, but this talent has not lived up to expectations after opening to rave reviews in Elementary School. Nothing sadder in our mind than unrealized potential.

GRADE:  C+
Not bad overall, but I expect better things from the digit that supposedly sets us apart from other primates. I feel the thumb is a shadow of what it used to be – a daily reminder of "what could have been" – and is now merely resting on its laurels. Since inspiring such classic lyrics as "Thumb goes up, Car goes by" and "Under my thumb/A siamese cat of a girl/Under my thumb/She’s the sweetest, hmmm, pet in the world ", the thumb really has done just enough to get by.

* I am not sure what a cuticle is, so there may actually be 0, 1 or Infinity.

» Filed Under We Kid Because We Care

Comments

3 Responses to “Thumb Thumbnail”

  1. Jimmy Beck on March 2nd, 2005 9:54 am

    Well, at the risk of self-aggrandizement, I’d have to give my own an A-, if only because it fits so snugly up my ass.

  2. tito on March 2nd, 2005 12:00 pm

    “Grade Inflation” & “Things Up My Ass”? — must be DuPont.

  3. The Elegant Variation on March 2nd, 2005 9:32 am

    ALTHOUGH WE THINK HIS C IS GENEROUS

    Tito at Black Market Kidneys offers the latest thumbnail review – of his thumb.

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