I Break Down The Last 20 Years

Posted on June 28, 2005 by Tito

Chuck Klosterman ranks the 10 Greatest things of the last 20 years, including two I, in particular, can vouch for.:

10. "Paradise City," Guns N’ Roses (rock video, 1988) Dressed like a glam-metal Tom Wolfe and chucking his sunglasses at no one in particular, Axl Rose came dangerously close to making GNR the new incarnation of the Rolling Stones. Which was what everyone was hoping would happen, and (obviously) didn’t happen, or even come close to happening. But this video could not be any better than it is, particularly when Steven Adler points at New York City from a boat, unconsciously implying that this place is, in fact, where the girls are pretty

3. The first episode of Freaks and Geeks (doomed TV show, 1999) This pilot’s closing scene (set at the high school homecoming dance, featuring "Come Sail Away" by Styx) is better than 90 percent of what’s been on network television since 1986.

At-home readers may ask, "What are Tito’s 10 Greatest/Worst things from the last 20 years?" to which I respond:

The 10 Best:

  1. Boxer-Briefs – Though currently in decline
  2. The Microwave – Exciting everybody from popcorn-crazed snackers to cat-exploding devil worshippers (not a mutually exclusive group)
  3. Bo Jackson – Perhaps the strongest evidence in favor of God’s existence.
  4. Napster. Ere I saw iTunes.
  5. Pee Wee’s Great Adventure – I’m a loner, Dotty, a rebel.
  6. Mc D.L.T. It’s like the AfterShock of fast food
  7. Jello Pudding Pops – Have not been produced for over 10 years. JPP, we hardly knew ye.
  8. The Simpsons
  9. Paul’s Boutique
  10. Donkey Kong Wristwatch – Perhaps the greatest consequence of the space program.

The 10 Worst:

  1. Keystone Light – Bottled beer taste in a can. To which I say, "Pass the Zima"
  2. Acid Rain – Though it apparently killed off the horde of Brazilian Killer Bees. Damn you Weekly Reader
  3. Big Kat – Surprisingly Gross
  4. Bob "The Hammer" Hamelin – His washout marked the beginning of the end of my youth
  5. Goobers – The unholy matrimony of low-quality peanut butter & jelly.
  6. Reversible Ocean Pacific Velcro Fly Shorts – Though I loved them at the time
  7. The relief pitcher golf cart – Still, I would consider buying one if it were available on eBay
  8. Astronaut ice cream. Perhaps the worst consequence of the space program.
  9. Ace of Base – More like Ace of Guano!
  10. Tetters -  I’m not sure what this is, but its association with Psoriasis does not bode well.

» Filed Under Look Away! It's My Brain

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