News or Apple Propaganda?

Posted on December 21, 2005 by Tito

As an introductory clause, passed of as matter of record: “Spurred by the iPod revolution“¹. I am not sure what is revolutionary about marketing defective products that are doomed to fail…

Which brings me back to my iPod rant. Some of you may know my iPod shuffle recently went kaput. In going to the Apple store I encountered a serpentine line to the checkout, so I inquired at the front whether they can process returns there or if they are strictly for new sales. The genlteman assured me the same line was for both. After waiting ~15 minutes behind some bridge-and-tunnel shoppers reviewing their Gucci & Neiman Marcus aquisitions I finally reached the head of the line. This was Saturday in San Francisco. At this time, I was told I would have to go upstairs to — and this is what they literally call it — “The Genius Bar”.

The Genius Bar is what I would normally refer to as a service desk. It is configured to fit into the generally hip, white Apple asthetic and features a long bar with stools. Luckily Apple has provided a photo that closely resembles the one I encountered. I do not recall whether mine also had a red phone, nor do I know the frequency that the staff may or may not call the Kremlin. As you can see, Apple has appropriated the Rutherford-Bohr atomic model to equate with/signify genius. As you may know, this model of the atom — while clean and simple — can only take you so far - it’s capability to accurately predict energy emissions by electrons changing orbits fails for element more complex than the simplest of all, Hydrogen. It’s a fuckin’ metaphor, man. For those curious, I encourage you to read more about Schrodinger’s and others’ models along with Heisenberg’s famous uncertainty prinicple.

The staff manning the Genius Bar appears to be the same demographic as a casting call for a mid-to-late twenties Alias techie. Before I can talk to one of the geniuses I, like everybody else, had to check in with the concierge (thanks to the lady waiting who tipped me off to this, it was not readily apparent). As it happens, the concierge is an application that runs on an Apple latpop sitting unmarked & unmanned on the end of the bar. In addition to entering my name and general description of my issue (”iPod”), I was required to enter my email address (so I now look forward to getting cultish marketing dispatches from the wizards at Apple). After waiting ~30 minutes I was finally called by a genius. Luckily, I had a book (Resuscitation of a Hanged Man by Denis Johnson)with me to pass the time - so the wait was not too bad.

To their credit, despite the onslaught of holiday pilgrims to this shrine of Christmas consumerism, the genius staff² at Apple were as polite as could be, albeit in many ways sharing the same creepy scriptedness sometimes observed in those on the street who ask if you’d like to “talk about God”. I consider myself tech-savvy, and having worked in troubleshooting/help desk type environments before, I endured the typical handholding & condescention typical in a field where as often as not the users are simply idiots. So, after 5-10 minutes the genius arrived at the same conclusion that the iPod was broken, or as he put it “dead”, which caused me to ponder its prior life and possible sentience. iPod I barely knew ye. Irregardless, I was informed that despite the hordes of people in line at the check-out³ there were no iPods on hand to replace mine, and I would have to come back to pick up a special-ordered replacement. Ruing the day I ever bought the thing, I agreed to come back when called.

Time had passed (a few days) and I’ve since picked up my replacement which so far is working.

But for how long?

---

¹ Also catching my eye: “hip-hop supergroup OutKast.” Not: super hip-hop group Outkast. Besides, I thought supergroups only came from Canada. Or is the requirement for Supergroup status merely that Biff in Marketing has your single? Confused. Though, in the end I am thankful as such writing led me to discover a new band. Ask of yourself, if it’s good for Debbie Mazur, is it good for me? I think we all know the answer to that one.

²I suspect this may be due in some part to an altruism not atypical in some strains of genius, similar to that of Will Hunting - who (for a time at least) eschews selling out to the NSA or other genius mills, instead opting for an hourly job where they can rub elbows with the hoi polloi.

³ Just for fun, if you happen to be at an Apple store, compare the line at the check-out to that at the genius bar. So far, every time I’ve been it appears that the number of eager shoppers is fewer than those experiencing trouble in paradise. Your results may vary.

» Filed Under

Comments

Copyright © 2007 - Black Market Kidneys
PSimple Theme Powered By Wordpress, Created By Paggu
Login to BMK