Inspired by the elegance of this approach, I decided to use google’s “hit count” to answer some questions. With some of my own analysis (really trivial, obvious conclusions based on the heavy lifting done by google) to follow, including some astonishing findings.

33,400,000 for jesus good
13,000,000 for jesus evil

17,400,000 for bright eyes good
6,120,000 for bright eyes evil

22,000,000 for two legs good
15,100,000 for four legs good

8,250,000 for liberal conspiracy
7,980,000 for conservative conspiracy

1,600,000 for don’t forget poland
2,950,000 for forget poland

1,910,000 for remember the alamo
534,000 for forget the alamo

Analysis (why I get the big bucks):
Jesus is 2.57 times more good than evil.
Bright Eyes is 2.84 times more good than evil
Two legs are in fact better(more good) than four legs – 1.46 times better to be precise.
Liberals are 1.03 times more conspiring than conservatives.
There is a movement to forget Poland – outpacing the don’t forget Poland camp 1.84 times over. Startling.
Luckily the alamo’s legacy seems to be on solid ground, outpacing the forget the alamo movement by 358%

As we can see, Bright Eyes is more dominantly good than Jesus (internally), however the absolute quantity of Jesus’ good is 192% more than Bright Eyes’ good. Apparently Bright Eyes is less conflicted than Jesus. I blame Mary Magdalene. However, in an arm-wrestling match of goodness, it may be wise to pick Jesus over Bright Eyes due to the sheer bulk of his goodness. If the evil part of Jesus is on steroids, this may even further his advantage.

I sell a kidney, my name is Eliaquim. I am man. I have 21 years old. I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t smoke. I am selling one of my kidneys because I’m needing money. Blood type 0 RH+. I never had problems of health. This announcement is true and very serious. If necessary I travel to do the transplant. I know about the risk that I will have, but I am ready to face. Contacts, my phone number is 33226821 or my email eliaquimraone@hotmail.com
I’m Brazilian. I’m from Paraíba. I live in Campina Grande. The Code of the Brazil it’s 55 and the code of area it’s 83. I mantain secret.
I don’t speak english very well.

Price: 17.000 US dollars.

Updated: Dec. 22, 2005 – It has been brought to my attention that some of these photos had not been updated in the migration from typepad.com, so I’ve updated the links. If you notice any other pages that still link to typepad, drop me a line [tito @ blackmarketkidneys . com] and I’ll try and fix it.

A guy dies and goes up to heaven. St. Peter is giving him the grand
tour of the Grounds, and he says, "So, what were you into back on
earth? Like, what were your hobbies and shit?" And the guy says, "Well,
I was a musician." So St. Peter says, "Oh Jeez — well come on! You
know what they say about how Heaven must have one Hell of a band and
all that — this is the place for YOU, my brother! As a matter of fact,
there’s a show about to get underway down at the Celestial Auditorium.
You wanna check it out?" Guy: "Hullz yeah!" St. P.: "Well let’s get it
awn!"
So they go down to the Celestial Auditorium, and the guy’s jaw
immediately drops to the floor — on stage, starting the show is
someone playing the most rippingest version of the "Star Spangled
Banner" ever, and the dead guys is like, "Oh my Gawd! It’s Jimmy
Hendrix!" And St. Pete is all, "Totally. Here come the drums — check
it…" And he hears, like, DUH-DUH-BAP! DUH-DUH-DUH-BAP! And he
realizes, "Holy schniekies — it’s friggin’ Bonham!" And Saint Pete’s
playin’ it cool, but he’s like, "Yup. But wait for it… Now dig the
bass." Ding-diggaddy-ding-diggaddy-ding-diggaddy-ding-ding-doomb!! "No
way — it’s The Ox! John Entwistle — he’s my favorite!!" Then the
singer comes out and starts belting, "eeeeyah-hooooooo-hoo-hoo-hoooooo!
Hoooo-ho-ho-ho!" And the dead guy is really puzzled because it’s
obviously Bono, so he turns to St. Peter and says, "But wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute — Bono’s not dead, is he?" And St. Peter
sighs and says, "No no no — that’s Jesus — he just thinks he’s Bono."

* Which I read most of

This is the first in a series of monthly thumbnails of My Body, because My Body has a draconian registration policy for internet access. For those who are not members, this will give you a chance to review the merits (or lack thereof) of My Body.

Todays featured body part: the thumb

STATS

• Count: 2 (left thumb shown in photograph). The right thumb is basically the same as the left, with only minor differences that appear to be thrown in as an afterthought. I suspect the Creator was lazy this time around  and threw in the second one as filler.
• Hangnails: 0
• Cuticles: 0*
• Poetry: None

WHAT WE LIKED

• Being contrarians, we liked the opposability of both thumbs.
• Initially good for twiddling, but not so much recently  since the onset of carpal tunnel.
• The symmetry of the two thumbs is striking, with clean lines and a consistent design. Detractors may argue that this is repetitive, but we at BMK feel that there is something sublime in this harmonious existence of two opposing thumbs, possibly serving as an ideal we can all strive for in these devisive politcal times.

WHAT WE DIDN’T

• Lack of thumbnails make it difficult to open CD cases sometimes.
• Perhaps Lee Press Ons would pretty things up? (Though we do commend the thumbnail for being happy with its admittedly utilitarian design and appearance)
• Being double jointed could have been a tremendous asset in the thumb’s favor, but this talent has not lived up to expectations after opening to rave reviews in Elementary School. Nothing sadder in our mind than unrealized potential.

GRADE:  C+
Not bad overall, but I expect better things from the digit that supposedly sets us apart from other primates. I feel the thumb is a shadow of what it used to be – a daily reminder of "what could have been" – and is now merely resting on its laurels. Since inspiring such classic lyrics as "Thumb goes up, Car goes by" and "Under my thumb/A siamese cat of a girl/Under my thumb/She’s the sweetest, hmmm, pet in the world ", the thumb really has done just enough to get by.

* I am not sure what a cuticle is, so there may actually be 0, 1 or Infinity.